Girls who broke your heart thread

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Ravvenn_sl

shitlord
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I"ve had a very close friend try and leave the friend zone and it sabotaged our friendship. Mind you, we were friends for 20 years. His mother changed my diapers and my mother his. He cried to me about women, and I only dated one guy who later died, so I didn"t have much in terms of man-bitching. He"s the reason I don"t really trust straight male friends now and if they"re not mutual friends of my boyfriend and myself, I"m not really comfortable befriending unmarried men.

I knew as soon as he started talking it was done. He"s like, "I"ve been thinking since we"re both single...We have known eachother so long and I"ve watched you grow into a woman..." The rest is a blur because I was freaking out and pre-selecting my rejection line. I told him he was like family, and I never saw him in "that way", I never would. He totally got pissed and yelled at me. We never spole again. It"s been almost ten years since I"ve heard from him.

I can say it sucks, it"s a terrible feeling and it honestly grossed me out. I feel bad saying it but I have no idea how he could look at me in a sexual way. It still makes me sad, we were best friends. I was one of the guys. I went camping, fishing, rockclimbing, etc. No girls wanted to get dirty, so my guy friends were my REAL friends. I never led any of them on, ever.

It makes me hesitant to be friends with men because sharing things you normally share with FRIENDS can be turned into you, the woman, leading them on. That"s not really fair, I guess.

My male friends exist, still. Nino is a great mutual friend of ours, and someone I trust to never get weird on me. EP is also one of my best friends, I trust him to not be a weirdo, too. The others are just my pals and the few remaining are gay.

Regardless of my trust in them, I"d still never go to their homes alone, cook them dinner and watch movies. I think that"s disrespectful to my significant other. That"s just me and my opinion, but I know I"d feel uncomfortable if those tables were turned. When talking to or hanging out with guys, I like to think of what I"d be comfortable with if it were my S.O., that"s how I set my personal boundaries. I don"t know if that"s weird or not.
 
Lithose

Lithose

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Ravvenn said:
"I"ve been thinking since we"re both single...We have known each other so long andI"ve watched you grow into a woman..."
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Did he always talk like a creepy step father, or was this a new thing when he confessed to you?

And I think in most cases, if people think really hard, they can see there is an attraction in all friendships (Even of the same sex.). No, it might not be sexual but we are social creatures, we form these bonds because we see something in someone else that we NEED. So in many ways, our friends fulfill a small portion of what a full, working relationship would. That line between "small" and "almost everything" though becomes blurred very, very quickly.

Like I was trying to tell Cut. I"m a firm believer in someone being able to straywithoutphysical intimacy. If I ever find myself over another woman"s house, discussing issues about my family with her, confiding in her and trusting her the same way I do my wife--Then that signifies to me that something is probably wrong with my relationship. That level of trust and emotional intimacy, for me, is one of the big parts of a relationship and if you have that with someone, it is a big deal.

I view women who don"t think this kind of emotional intimacy is a big deal in the same boat as guys that don"t think sex is a big deal. They are simply selfish people who are trying to get what they want, without attaching to things they don"t.

(Not saying this about you, Rav. These are just my thoughts on the issue of the "friend" zone. Your relationship does sound like it was friend, friend. If you act like one of the guys, and didn"t use him as an "emotional boyfriend" then it was all on him for going weird.)
 
E

Evelys_foh

shitlord
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The emotional stuff goes to my husband or to family. Friends don"t need to know about relationship details other than a general sense of how it"s going. But yeah, I make it a point not to lead guy friends on, and be "one of the guys". If they"re attracted to me, they can deal with it. It does happen in opposite sex friendships, and if it bothers them that much and they have to cut themselves off...well, it sucks to lose that good of a friend, but I"m quite happily married, thanks!

EDIT: I should probably make it a point to say that I do think the girl who went to the guy"s house after her boyfriend said he was uncomfortable with it was in the wrong. Part of being in a relationship is that you need to respect your partner"s boundaries. She obviously didn"t, and the guy in this thread was absolutely in the right to dump her. It was very disrespectful of her.
 
Zehnpai

Zehnpai

Molten Core Raider
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I tried to think of Lori sexually once. It left my imagination horribly scarred and broken. I"m fairly certain at one point a demon came out of her eyes and showed me the death of a thousand stars, the entropic end of all things and the coming of an age of darkness from which nothing can escape.

Harfle on the other hand, man. I have a lifesized cardboard cutout of him naked holding that gun hanging over my bed. Sleeping on the couch with his feet in my face was as close to heaven as I can ever hope to get.
 
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DMK_foh

shitlord
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TheCutlery said:
We are absolutely in the minority. After reading the shit a few pages ago about the dude"s gf wanting to go over to a male"s house and watch movies and shit I thought "So? Big fucking deal."
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WTF?

You know what "watch movies and shit" means? It translates to "I"m giving you enough respect to not just say come over so i can hit it."

And all these people that keep talking this be her friend gay shit need a reality check. Brads story is a clear example he wasted like 4-5 years trying to be Mr nice guy and it got him sweet fuck all. I"m not saying once your in a relationship you shouldn"t treat your girl like a princess but before that. No fucken chance.
 
Erronius

Erronius

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Ravvenn said:
I can say it sucks, it"s a terrible feeling and it honestly grossed me out. I feel bad saying it but I have no idea how he could look at me in a sexual way. It still makes me sad, we were best friends. I was one of the guys. I went camping, fishing, rockclimbing, etc. No girls wanted to get dirty, so my guy friends were my REAL friends. I never led any of them on, ever.
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Pretty much, if a woman is attractive and has a pulse, if a guy isn"t gay he"s going to be attracted. I have female friends who I"d never try anything with (at least, I wouldn"t try pushing from my side of things) that I"m attracted to. But, I know the situation and I wouldn"t make the first move, ever. And, I know they won"t be making a move at all. When women are in a relationship or married though, that"s easy; I"d never violate that sanctity and I imagine my married friends pick up on that and that"s probably why I have some of my married guy friends trust me with few exceptions with their wives. I hang out on occasion and we"ll watch movies, we wont hang out on the same couch or anything like that, but there"s trust there.

Where I have an issue with this is when it"s single women, or women that like to run to you every time they have a man problem, tell you how so-and-so sucks, and then want to "snuggle" while they tell you what a sweet, loving guy you are and how they wish their husband/boyfriend was more like you. In these cases usually there is this ambiguous sort of tension, where you"ll catch her giving you "the look" or she"ll ask you what she thinks of her new lingerie. But heaven forbid if you take any of that as a hint, it"s all"OMG, I flirt with everyone!"or"I thought you were a fried, wtf?". Men definitely get put into a position where women are often ambiguous with "flirting" and guy are left clueless to the point that often they can"t even tell the difference between a female friend that is interested, or a female friend that wants nothing beyond friendship. But, most women wont make the first move or ask the guy out, so men have to navigate their way through that kind of bullshit, and then get both rejected and reviled for violating some sort of BFF code. But that"s only a real issue with me when it"s women that seem to like to push the line with men, as though they want to see what it will take to get a man to react. With Kirun, I didn"t get that vibe, I didn"t get the impression that she was sending signals whatsoever.

Ravvenn said:
It makes me hesitant to be friends with men because sharing things you normally share with FRIENDS can be turned into you, the woman, leading them on. That"s not really fair, I guess.
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I"m hesitant to be friends with women, because it"s hard if you"re attracted to someone unless they make it easy for you. And by this, I mean not wrapping their arms around a guy friend like he"s a BF or gay, or asking your opinion on their wax job or new spandex workout shorts. Or wanting to "snuggle" on the couch, and then you as a friend have to sit there through the entire length of "The English Patient" with her head on your shoulder, trying to ignore how good she smells or how nice her breasts feel pressed against you the entire time you"re watching some God-awful movie. Usually I"ve only run into this with young women, and I just remove myself from that kind of fiasco as soon as possible. But I"d say that it"s completely different when a woman is married or in a relationship, because usually you don"t have to deal with that kind of shit.

Ravvenn said:
Regardless of my trust in them, I"d still never go to their homes alone, cook them dinner and watch movies. I think that"s disrespectful to my significant other. That"s just me and my opinion, but I know I"d feel uncomfortable if those tables were turned. When talking to or hanging out with guys, I like to think of what I"d be comfortable with if it were my S.O., that"s how I set my personal boundaries. I don"t know if that"s weird or not.
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I"d say that"s just maturity, and it avoids both the possibility of impropriety, as well as simply the appearance of such. I mean, if you"re married, I"d almost say that"s the best way to handle things (or in a relationship for that matter).

P.S: Lori, can I come to the next BBQ even if I didn"t join pilotlights? I"m really wanting to see who I can lock lips with on camera for next year.
 
Kirun

Kirun

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Erronius said:
With Kirun, I didn"t get that vibe, I didn"t get the impression that she was sending signals whatsoever.
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While she never did anything as blatant as asking me to come over and be her "cuddle buddy" or see if her ass looked big in her new pair of jeans, she did send me at least two mixed signals that I can remember..

About a month or so after I got her number, we got to talking one day and I let her know that I was still struggling with the "just friends" thing. I asked her if she were single, would I have a shot? Her response was.."Quite possibly."

Occasion two was about 5 or 6 weeks ago. There was another chick at work that I thought might be into me, so I asked her.."Hey, do you think Angie is into me?" She responded with.."I don"t see why not, you"re a cutie!"

There may have been more, but I deleted our texts between each other in frustration. Those were just two that I can remember vividly.
 
O

Ortega_foh

shitlord
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Kirun said:
About a month or so after I got her number, we got to talking one day and I let her know that I was still struggling with the "just friends" thing. I asked her if she were single, would I have a shot? Her response was.."Quite possibly."
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No offense dude, but that is hardly leading on. It"s a weighted question. Nobody unless they are one heartless basterd is going to come out and be like "Fuck no!".
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

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Lithose said:
Friend zone guys, for most women, are like spare tires. They always hope they don"t need them and they never want to look at them as something to ride on regularly...But if things go flat in the primary relationship, they are what is going to be used. Make no mistake, if a guy is in the friend zone and he is attractive--He has a shot when things go south in the primary relationship.
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Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

That"s not how the friend zone works.The Ladder Theoryis dead on the money. Friend zone guys never have a chance...if they did, they wouldn"t be in the friend zone. In fact, friend zone guys have even less of a chance when things go south in the primary relationship because he is very likely more open with the woman and his insecurities become more evident, thereby becoming less attractive.

My wife has a friend she"s had a crush on for like 15 years. He moved to DC before we got married and before I met him. They"ve stayed in touch as much as you can on facebook. He got divorced this past year and moved back here. She told me she was going to go out with him, asked me if I wanted to come along. I needed to sleep, so I didn"t, and I don"t give a fuck who she goes out with because I trust her and that"s something that"s apparently lost in all these fucking games being played in this thread. The next day I jokingly ask her if she"s someone else"s problem now, and she goes "Fuck no...never again. Sniveling bitches are just not attractive at all."

Aside from my personal anecdotes, this entire thread is full of guys who thought they could weasel their way into something from the friend zone and it never works out. Most of them get shot down right away, a few like Brad get shot down a couple years later, but it never, ever works. If you"re threatened by anyone in the friend zone, you"re clearly not doing your part in the relationship. If you were, he"d have no chance at all.
 
Lithose

Lithose

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TheCutlery said:
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Complete bullshit.
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Sounds like someone is trying to convince themselves.

If you"re threatened by anyone in the friend zone, you"re clearly not doing your part in the relationship. If you were, he"d have no chance at all.
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Which is exactly what I said. Let illuminate the important parts.

He has a shot when things go south in the primary relationship.

They always hope they don"t need them

friend zone guys have even less of a chance when things go south in the primary relationship because he is very likely more open with the woman and his insecurities become more evident, thereby becoming less attractive.
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Why does a guy become more open when HER relationship goes south. Did you mistake my post as being about the guy? It isn"t. His status doesn"t mean shit, to be honest. The friend zone "spares" are only looked at when HER primary relationship goes south. And this doesn"t go for all the friend zone guys. Usually there are only a couple that are true "spares". (Hence theAND he is attractive part.)

I needed to sleep, so I didn"t, and I don"t give a fuck who she goes out with because I trust her and that"s something that"s apparently lost in all these fucking games being played in this thread.
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Also, wanted to single this out. Trust is a mutual thing, it"s built off of respecting boundaries. Those boundaries can move in a relationship depending on how people feel or how the relationship is doing. You trying to take the status quo of a strong relationship and place it on one that is hurting is just smashing a round peg into a square hole.

Yes, we understand you have a beautiful, trusting relationship. One that is so strong that your wife is free to lay on another man"s lap, while drunk--because you trust her. However, maybe you could spare the people currently having problems your amazing experience and try to think of suggestions that fit their situation, rather than repeating how awesome yours is?

Just a suggestion.
 
G

Gryeyes_foh

shitlord
0
0
I think the most important aspect of the dynamic is a large majority of males will in fact dick any attractive female friend they have if vagina is offered.

Friend zone guys never have a chance...if they did, they wouldn"t be in the friend zone.
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Well yeah, the term "Friend zone" implies the guy wants more than friendship but has been denied so just hangs around...as opposed to a REAL fucking friend who uhhh is a friend.

And despite the meme someone friend zoned can get lucky (alcohol) just as any other douche can get lucky in the right circumstances. But personally if you try to fuck one of your female friends who trusts you...as a friend. Its breaking the trust in the friendship. I mean maybe they accept but you will never be "friends" in the same way again.

Aside from my personal anecdotes, this entire thread is full of guys who thought they could weasel their way into something from the friend zone and it never works out.
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No shit, if they had game they would not be in the fucking friend zone haha. But, I have known several people to eventually weasel a pity fuck out of someone through attrition. It DOES happen.
 
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Inconsiderable_foh

shitlord
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Dr. Funkenstein said:
Huh? Hitting on someone you call a friend, then initiating an ignore campaign because she didn"t reciprocate isn"t juvenile? WAHHHH! You turned me down now I"m mad!
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You are ignorant.

He told her how he felt, she shot him down.
She runs back to her ex, he tells her he cannot be "just friends".
She keeps texting.

What he is doing is what is right. What she is doing is unfair. She needs to realize this.


edit: And Cutlery. Problem with your point is that you never know if he is really in the friend zone.
 
P

projectoffset_foh

shitlord
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Problem with your point is that you never know if he is really in the friend zone.
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You never really know...well...anything. Yeah, your SO just told you that she"d been at work all day, but for all you know she was banging some guy. Point is, this is where the trust thing comes in.
 
F

FoghornDeadhorn_foh

shitlord
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Inconsiderable said:
You are ignorant.

He told her how he felt, she shot him down.
She runs back to her ex, he tells her he cannot be "just friends".
She keeps texting.

What he is doing is what is right. What she is doing is unfair. She needs to realize this.


edit: And Cutlery. Problem with your point is that you never know if he is really in the friend zone.
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So, if she"s not interested in the guy sexually/relationship-wise, what would have been her proper course of action? Say "Well if you have a problem with being attracted to me and being my friend, then we can"t be friends"?
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

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Lithose said:
Sounds like someone is trying to convince themselves.
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Sounds like someone hasn"t been paying attention to the romantic failures of this thread and most of the male populace.



Whatever guys. Just keep on keeping on. Do your thing, always assume your bitch is cheating on you, and keep on making friends with chicks hoping that one day you"ll get in their pants. It"ll work someday, right?
 
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Vatoreus Malfost_sl

shitlord
228
1
FoghornDeadhorn said:
So, if she"s not interested in the guy sexually/relationship-wise, what would have been her proper course of action? Say "Well if you have a problem with being attracted to me and being my friend, then we can"t be friends"?
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Yes? He said he couldn"t, so leave it at that. He doesn"t want a friendship, so he isn"t pursuing one.
 
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FoghornDeadhorn_foh

shitlord
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Vatoreus said:
Yes? He said he couldn"t, so leave it at that. He doesn"t want a friendship, so he isn"t pursuing one.
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No, prior to this. If she"s in the wrong for something in the last few days, as far as I can tell it"s not writing him off. But when they had their weird "oh you have a boyfriend" conversation, he didn"t say he "couldn"t" he said he had a problem with it. Which, honestly, he"s got to learn to deal with. Women are attractive, especially when you"re single. If you don"t can"t handle having female friends you"d take to the bedroom given the opportunity, you"re going to have problems with relationships too.
 
Lithose

Lithose

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TheCutlery said:
Sounds like someone hasn"t been paying attention to the romantic failures of this thread and most of the male populace.



Whatever guys. Just keep on keeping on. Do your thing, always assume your bitch is cheating on you, and keep on making friends with chicks hoping that one day you"ll get in their pants. It"ll work someday, right?
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Yeah bro. You tell these losers how a real man handles his woman. Go on and explain to them how a confident and masculine man doesn"t need to worry--even if his bitch says she is attracted to another man and wants to spend the night at his house.

If she does that, you let her. Because that just proves how confident you are, bro.
 
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