Girls who broke your heart thread

Ravvenn said:

I can say it sucks, it"s a terrible feeling and it honestly grossed me out. I feel bad saying it but I have no idea how he could look at me in a sexual way. It still makes me sad, we were best friends. I was one of the guys. I went camping, fishing, rockclimbing, etc. No girls wanted to get dirty, so my guy friends were my REAL friends. I never led any of them on, ever.

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Pretty much, if a woman is attractive and has a pulse, if a guy isn"t gay he"s going to be attracted. I have female friends who I"d never try anything with (at least, I wouldn"t try pushing from my side of things) that I"m attracted to. But, I know the situation and I wouldn"t make the first move, ever. And, I know they won"t be making a move at all. When women are in a relationship or married though, that"s easy; I"d never violate that sanctity and I imagine my married friends pick up on that and that"s probably why I have some of my married guy friends trust me with few exceptions with their wives. I hang out on occasion and we"ll watch movies, we wont hang out on the same couch or anything like that, but there"s trust there.

Where I have an issue with this is when it"s single women, or women that like to run to you every time they have a man problem, tell you how so-and-so sucks, and then want to "snuggle" while they tell you what a sweet, loving guy you are and how they wish their husband/boyfriend was more like you. In these cases usually there is this ambiguous sort of tension, where you"ll catch her giving you "the look" or she"ll ask you what she thinks of her new lingerie. But heaven forbid if you take any of that as a hint, it"s all"OMG, I flirt with everyone!"or"I thought you were a fried, wtf?". Men definitely get put into a position where women are often ambiguous with "flirting" and guy are left clueless to the point that often they can"t even tell the difference between a female friend that is interested, or a female friend that wants nothing beyond friendship. But, most women wont make the first move or ask the guy out, so men have to navigate their way through that kind of bullshit, and then get both rejected and reviled for violating some sort of BFF code. But that"s only a real issue with me when it"s women that seem to like to push the line with men, as though they want to see what it will take to get a man to react. With Kirun, I didn"t get that vibe, I didn"t get the impression that she was sending signals whatsoever.

Ravvenn said:

It makes me hesitant to be friends with men because sharing things you normally share with FRIENDS can be turned into you, the woman, leading them on. That"s not really fair, I guess.

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I"m hesitant to be friends with women, because it"s hard if you"re attracted to someone unless they make it easy for you. And by this, I mean not wrapping their arms around a guy friend like he"s a BF or gay, or asking your opinion on their wax job or new spandex workout shorts. Or wanting to "snuggle" on the couch, and then you as a friend have to sit there through the entire length of "The English Patient" with her head on your shoulder, trying to ignore how good she smells or how nice her breasts feel pressed against you the entire time you"re watching some God-awful movie. Usually I"ve only run into this with young women, and I just remove myself from that kind of fiasco as soon as possible. But I"d say that it"s completely different when a woman is married or in a relationship, because usually you don"t have to deal with that kind of shit.

Ravvenn said:

Regardless of my trust in them, I"d still never go to their homes alone, cook them dinner and watch movies. I think that"s disrespectful to my significant other. That"s just me and my opinion, but I know I"d feel uncomfortable if those tables were turned. When talking to or hanging out with guys, I like to think of what I"d be comfortable with if it were my S.O., that"s how I set my personal boundaries. I don"t know if that"s weird or not.

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I"d say that"s just maturity, and it avoids both the possibility of impropriety, as well as simply the appearance of such. I mean, if you"re married, I"d almost say that"s the best way to handle things (or in a relationship for that matter).

P.S: Lori, can I come to the next BBQ even if I didn"t join pilotlights? I"m really wanting to see who I can lock lips with on camera for next year.

Erronius said:

With Kirun, I didn"t get that vibe, I didn"t get the impression that she was sending signals whatsoever.

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While she never did anything as blatant as asking me to come over and be her "cuddle buddy" or see if her ass looked big in her new pair of jeans, she did send me at least two mixed signals that I can remember..

About a month or so after I got her number, we got to talking one day and I let her know that I was still struggling with the "just friends" thing. I asked her if she were single, would I have a shot? Her response was.."Quite possibly."

Occasion two was about 5 or 6 weeks ago. There was another chick at work that I thought might be into me, so I asked her.."Hey, do you think Angie is into me?" She responded with.."I don"t see why not, you"re a cutie!"

There may have been more, but I deleted our texts between each other in frustration. Those were just two that I can remember vividly.

That"s what I"m wondering. It"s something I plan on discussing with her in a few days.

Lithose said:

Friend zone guys, for most women, are like spare tires. They always hope they don"t need them and they never want to look at them as something to ride on regularly...But if things go flat in the primary relationship, they are what is going to be used. Make no mistake, if a guy is in the friend zone and he is attractive--He has a shot when things go south in the primary relationship.

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Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

That"s not how the friend zone works.The Ladder Theoryis dead on the money. Friend zone guys never have a chance...if they did, they wouldn"t be in the friend zone. In fact, friend zone guys have even less of a chance when things go south in the primary relationship because he is very likely more open with the woman and his insecurities become more evident, thereby becoming less attractive.

My wife has a friend she"s had a crush on for like 15 years. He moved to DC before we got married and before I met him. They"ve stayed in touch as much as you can on facebook. He got divorced this past year and moved back here. She told me she was going to go out with him, asked me if I wanted to come along. I needed to sleep, so I didn"t, and I don"t give a fuck who she goes out with because I trust her and that"s something that"s apparently lost in all these fucking games being played in this thread. The next day I jokingly ask her if she"s someone else"s problem now, and she goes "Fuck no...never again. Sniveling bitches are just not attractive at all."

Aside from my personal anecdotes, this entire thread is full of guys who thought they could weasel their way into something from the friend zone and it never works out. Most of them get shot down right away, a few like Brad get shot down a couple years later, but it never, ever works. If you"re threatened by anyone in the friend zone, you"re clearly not doing your part in the relationship. If you were, he"d have no chance at all.

Lithose said:

Sounds like someone is trying to convince themselves.

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Sounds like someone hasn"t been paying attention to the romantic failures of this thread and most of the male populace.



Whatever guys. Just keep on keeping on. Do your thing, always assume your bitch is cheating on you, and keep on making friends with chicks hoping that one day you"ll get in their pants. It"ll work someday, right?