Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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LulzSect

LulzSect

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I think about my ex periodically. (substance abuse fueled relationship) Sometimes I'll remember a memory I had forgotten and it fucks me up. It's annoying that years later she still occupies space in my mind. Meeting new people has been helpful, but I wonder if her memory will haunt me for the rest of my days.
 
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iannis

iannis

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Probably. Memories tend to be strongest when conflicts are unresolved. That's the function that they serve, helping us to find and identify patterns in order to help us gain security and avoid future harm. And addiction is a permanent unresolved conflict.

That's why strong memories tend to either be good or bad. You don't remember what you ate for lunch yesterday because it isn't worth remembering. It is entirely mediocre and not relevant. You remember that you HAD lunch. That's relevant.

So yeah, you'll probably always remember that crazy bitch. But as you untwist parts of the conflict and show yourself that the behaviors have been mitigated... the memories will probably get more kind. Well, to you. She'll probably become more pitiable. But -- that's not her anymore. Just a memory. So that also takes the sting out of it.

One of the saddest things in life is to meet an old friend who is exactly the way you remember them. Well, unless they were completely awesome out of the box. But even that is kinda sad.
 
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Namon

Namon

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Mrs. Gravy said:
I've been one all day; but the only one that got the brunt of it was the dog and that was just me yelling at him to get out of my way and then he got treats because I felt bad about yelling at him. BTW - I cleaned out G's closet today - yes it took me 16 months to have the nerve to do it. I was doing ok until I got to all of his neckties. I don't know why those bothered me so much but I was a sobbing fucking mess.

Life is messy. My feelings about G and the fact that I am dating and expressing intimacy to another are convoluted and I am having a little difficulty sorting it out.
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I have to be honest, I am not sure how I'd handle all of that if I ever find myself in a similar situation. Yep, we all have base carnal needs, but at the end of the day, I'm sure your heart still says your married to G. I guess deep down, you still haven't fully healed yet. I can't say that mine ever would. Every time my mind goes into that what if scenario, I just don't see myself ever being able to get into another relationship.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Namon said:
I have to be honest, I am not sure how I'd handle all of that if I ever find myself in a similar situation. Yep, we all have base carnal needs, but at the end of the day, I'm sure your heart still says your married to G. I guess deep down, you still haven't fully healed yet. I can't say that mine ever would. Every time my mind goes into that what if scenario, I just don't see myself ever being able to get into another relationship.
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Feel the same here about my wife

Also I'm one of those dudes that could just as easily be a loner for the rest of my life (except my kids )
 
Hoss

Hoss

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OK so I guess I'm the asshole when my wife says "If I die first, I want you to remarry" and I respond with "Already checking out my options, baby"
 
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Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

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I know it won't be the same...not possible, and that's perfectly fine. I am trying to figure myself out to determine if I am dating for fun/to have something to do and for the physical stuff or if I am looking for more. I guess, like with G, I will know when it's "more". Current man is fun but not "more" at least not yet. I am still not sure if I trust him enough, he can be guarded and aloof and attempts to redirect me when I pose direct questions. Sometimes I allow it, but I hope he knows that I am not blind to it.
If I am just a bookmark until something he thinks is better will come along, I would like to know.
Yes, I am going to ask him that. My life is too short to not be up front.
I am not even saying that being a bookmark is a bad thing, I just like to know where I stand.
BTW...in my not humble at all opinion, I am fucking awesome and one would be hard pressed to find better.:p
 
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Nester

Nester

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Mrs. Gravy said:
I know it won't be the same...not possible, and that's perfectly fine. I am trying to figure myself out to determine if I am dating for fun/to have something to do and for the physical stuff or if I am looking for more. I guess, like with G, I will know when it's "more". Current man is fun but not "more" at least not yet. I am still not sure if I trust him enough, he can be guarded and aloof and attempts to redirect me when I pose direct questions. Sometimes I allow it, but I hope he knows that I am not blind to it.
If I am just a bookmark until something he thinks is better will come along, I would like to know.
Yes, I am going to ask him that. My life is too short to not be up front.
I am not even saying that being a bookmark is a bad thing, I just like to know where I stand.
BTW...in my not humble at all opinion, I am fucking awesome and one would be hard pressed to find better.:p
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You gotta be pretty awesome to hang with us sweet gents. :D
 
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chaos

chaos

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I never got the whole sexy outfit thing. For public, sure, I love looking at hot women as much as the next guy. But like slutty cheerleader outfits or lingerie or whatever, I was never really into it. Oh hey, nice lingerie. How long do I have to humor you before we take that off and start putting things in asses?
 
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Omi43221

Omi43221

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Mrs. Gravy said:
I know it won't be the same...not possible, and that's perfectly fine. I am trying to figure myself out to determine if I am dating for fun/to have something to do and for the physical stuff or if I am looking for more. I guess, like with G, I will know when it's "more". Current man is fun but not "more" at least not yet. I am still not sure if I trust him enough, he can be guarded and aloof and attempts to redirect me when I pose direct questions. Sometimes I allow it, but I hope he knows that I am not blind to it.
If I am just a bookmark until something he thinks is better will come along, I would like to know.
Yes, I am going to ask him that. My life is too short to not be up front.
I am not even saying that being a bookmark is a bad thing, I just like to know where I stand.
BTW...in my not humble at all opinion, I am fucking awesome and one would be hard pressed to find better.:p
Click to expand...

All right I'm curious what is a direct question he redirected?
 
Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

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Omi43221 said:
All right I'm curious what is a direct question he redirected?
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I had asked what his perception of our relationship was, If he would describe it as "seeing one another...to the exclusion of others" ...to be true, though, this was before the camp trip and other dates. He sidestepped and changed the subject. I let it go, did not push. OK, I get it uncertainty, loose ends, whatever but I do operate better with info. That being stated, I am also pretty laid back and truth be told, have regained a lot of confidence.
I also have been being asked out by casual acquaintances with whom I am in contact for one reason or another. I am replying to those kind requests with gratitude but also informing them that I am dating someone at the moment. Regardless of what some people here may think, I am particular and my goodies get shared discretely. I have declined plenty of one and dones, no matter how hot or young they were. (Guess my Noodley one isn't the only admirer of quality vintage linens).

So, last night, I again askedI asked where I stood and was pleasantly and directly informed that he is not seeing nor seeking others...current status exclusive.
Let the hot old lady sex with abandon and very few limits continue!!


(Mea culpa for that last little troll...you guys are not only sweet, you're good instructors.)
 
LulzSect

LulzSect

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fhd999AMP_Jennifer_Coolidge_003.jpg
 
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Omi43221

Omi43221

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Mrs. Gravy said:
I had asked what his perception of our relationship was, If he would describe it as "seeing one another...to the exclusion of others" ...to be true, though, this was before the camp trip and other dates. He sidestepped and changed the subject. I let it go, did not push. OK, I get it uncertainty, loose ends, whatever but I do operate better with info. That being stated, I am also pretty laid back and truth be told, have regained a lot of confidence.
I also have been being asked out by casual acquaintances with whom I am in contact for one reason or another. I am replying to those kind requests with gratitude but also informing them that I am dating someone at the moment. Regardless of what some people here may think, I am particular and my goodies get shared discretely. I have declined plenty of one and dones, no matter how hot or young they were. (Guess my Noodley one isn't the only admirer of quality vintage linens).

So, last night, I again askedI asked where I stood and was pleasantly and directly informed that he is not seeing nor seeking others...current status exclusive.
Let the hot old lady sex with abandon and very few limits continue!!


(Mea culpa for that last little troll...you guys are not only sweet, you're good instructors.)
Click to expand...


So very early in the relationship and you tried to put him on tilt for a decision. I would say that I wouldn't hold that against him.
 
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