Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Foler

The_Black_Log Foler

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Noodleface said:
So I need to bounce something off people here. I kind of have an idea of what everyone will say, but still looking for opinions.

I got a new job making 25% more (125k), came with a very small sign-on bonus (3k). I'm pretty responsible and very rarely ask for anything. I'm also the sole earner in the house. I usually just sacrifice bonuses and tax refunds and they get absorbed into kid stuff, or house stuff, or wife stuff that she needs to deal with the kids. When she asks me for something, I never say no. NEVER. I also have her deal with all our finances. I'm a known procrastinator when it comes to bill paying, so I make the money and she deals with it.

When I got this job I said, you know what, we should use this 3k and each buy something nice. She's been hounding me for a new treadmill (which, I never denied she could get), and I have a lot of hobbies - primarily guitar. I only have two guitars, I usually sell one and buy a new one if I want a new one. The only money loss there is shipping.

But this time I said, you know what, I'm gonna buy a new one. I figured I earned this small bonus. So I pitch that to her and she instantly denies it, saying we have a lot of expenses coming up - new baby (she's not pregnant), which includes diapers, a new car (we will need one 100%), etc. And she wants to invest some money (this is a new thing she's decided because her parents do it, and I haven't heard any good results from it). Ok, I don't really understand - I'm talking $700 to myself here.

I'm pretty angry about it, because I don't just toss money around willy nilly. I don't go out to eat ever (fast food MAYBE once a month, sometimes two), I don't have any vices like smoking or drinking, my main hobby is sitting on my computer or playing guitar. I live pretty frugally.

Just frustrated because she kind of shut down and wouldn't listen to me.

On the flip side, that 700 could go into our mortgage, or a few car payments, or whatever. On the flip side of that, we aren't poor.
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Wait what. You haven't heard any good results from investing money?... Do you invest some of your income?
 
Foler

The_Black_Log Foler

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Deathwing said:
Get involved with the finances. If you don't have a clear pictures of your budget, you can't say for certain how important that $700 really is(or isn't). It probably isn't, but you don't know.

The wife and I agreed on fun money to avoid these conversations. Anything that you don't "need" gets paid for by fun money. One-time income, like bonuses, get split evenly into fun money and then each person can spend it however they want and the other can't say shit. In your situation, the guitar would fall under fun money. The treadmill...probably not.
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Treadmill is fun money when u get to knock that tight ass that resulted from it!
 
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Foler

The_Black_Log Foler

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Captain Suave said:
Meet with the planner to appease the wife and help get your head in the right space, but don't sign up to have your investments managed. Do a little research and then go to Vanguard and do an 80/20 or 90/10 stock/bond split in the lowest-fee domestic/international funds you can buy.
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This. Just do the research and do funds. Buying individual stocks is retarded unless you're dropping min 5 mill. Can't diversify enough. I'd also adjust that ratio based on your age and situation (married, kids etc)
 
Foler

The_Black_Log Foler

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Noodleface said:
No I mean whatever her parents are doing seems weird
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Ya well. I like you noodlebro but if you aren't involved in your finances you don't have much leverage bro. You need to get involved. Also you reallllly should invest. Do non-managed funds, ETF's, diversify some etc.

Here. Let me give you some winners for a start.

VUSE
QCERX
IEMG
EICOX

That'll be $4000. Seriously.
 
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Big Phoenix

Big Phoenix

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Id say just throw everything into AMD but Noodle loves him some Intel.l
 
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Denaut

Denaut

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For investing low/no fee general index funds is the way to go.

As for dealing with finances, here is what we do with 2 incomes, but you can do the same thing with one income.

We get paid once a month on the same day, our paychecks go into a common "Salary Account." From there a whole bunch of auto-transfers happen that push money for different purposes into different accounts.
  • Money for the mortgage, electricity, and property fees get put into a designated "house account" with auto-transfers out to pay those various fees. This is only for fixed household stuff so we don't accidentally spend too much from it.
  • A budgeted amount gets moved to our joint spending account, which has its own card, for household stuff like food, cleaning, and other incidental stuff.
  • A bunch goes into various retirement and investment accounts, this is all for long-term savings.
  • Another hunk goes into a "large" joint general savings account. This is for big short-term joint stuff like vacations, furniture, large one off things for the house. Kid stuff will also eventually go here as well. When we need to spend it we just move it to the joint spending account.
  • And finally we each have our own "spending account" with our own cards that we use on whatever we want, whenever we want, for any reason we want. The amount that gets sent in there is based on a % of our income, but you could also just do it 50/50. This is where I pay for things like games, coffee, cell phone, gym, and so on from. I also tend to spend very little of this every month and will "save up" in here for bigger things like a new computer, and frequently kitchen stuff that I really don't need but just want. My fiance buys knitting stuff, trinkets for the house, trips with her mom, and stuff like that with her money.

    The point is we never have any reason to fight over this pool of money (not that we fight over money) because it is specifically designated for frivolous nonsense and it is completely irrelevant what the money is spent on. This is decided before the money is even spent, and really removes any potential future issues. Even if it is a fairly big, expensive thing like a new computer it doesn't matter because you "saved up" for it with your own spending money.
I can't say for other people but this has worked great so far and the organization seems fairly future proof when it comes to kids, even if we need to reduce our spending it can be done so fairly within this framework.
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

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It's not a bad idea for me to put aside a small amount each month for bigger purchases.

The investing stuff is all good advice - but that's something separate and people got hung up on it.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Deathwing said:
There's a word for this, you know.
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Yeah I mean we have a Joint Savings and a Joint Checking account. The savings account is for big purchases or emergencies, the checking is our everyday spending stuff and known bills.

I think creating two separate savings accounts for fun money is the way to go here.
 
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Soygen

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You need to give both of yourselves an allowance into 'no questions asked' personal spending. This whole having to agree 100% on all purchases is bullshit if one person shuts down every request. I feel like I'm more pissed about this than you, Noodle. I want to buy you a guitar, dammit!
 
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alavaz

alavaz

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I have a vested interest in this guitar too. I'm slaving away in a middle eastern shithole (and getting paid well for it) and plan to buy a guitar when I get home. I didn't ask my wife though, it was more like that scene from Training Day when the guitar was discussed.
 
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Khane

Khane

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You need to just learn to do what women do when they want something Noodle. Pretend it's "for the kids" somehow. Maybe your oldest suddenly wants to learn how to play guitar...
 
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P

Picasso3

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Buy the guitar and use the i'm disappointed you don't think i deserve it defense.

Or just buy the guitar and tell her to eat shit
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

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Soygen said:
You need to give both of yourselves an allowance into 'no questions asked' personal spending. This whole having to agree 100% on all purchases is bullshit if one person shuts down every request. I feel like I'm more pissed about this than you, Noodle. I want to buy you a guitar, dammit!
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I'm pretty pissed man lol. She lucked out marrying me, a guy making 125k 5 years out of college
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

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I'm balancing the porn star sex alright. I gotta be gentle here. Gentle unlike how I'm gonna slam that puss
 
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