Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Guest, did you like the last podcast notification?? Well here's the second one, and for the third podcast! Yep. This Thursday 8-8-24 at 7pm Central
Go here to check out his podcast thread for info on topics and links!Go into the FoH discord and find the Happy Time Fun Hour channel and give it a listen!
Phazael
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Women have this hard wired bullshit in their head that if they are doing something, you cannot possibly be allowed to have any fun or recreation. It doesn't matter if you had to bust ass all day at work, if they are doing some random task and you are not doing chores, they will make sure to interrupt whatever it is you might be doing. This also applies to when you have premade plans to go out and they call or bug you to guilt you into not enjoying your personal time. I had this problem with my wife for a while, though rarely since we share all the same hobbies and friends for the most part. I tried logic and reason to explain my position, which of course did not work at all.
The way I cracked it was to wait until she was at Disneyland by herself or home from work watching whatever bullshit food network program was on and chain texted her asking about household shit. She blew up at me over it and I basically said "Well, this is what you do on my day off or when I am out with my friends, and it was ok then?" After two days of her being pissed and processing it the message got through and now it only happens very rarely when one of us is stressed about something else.
Of course (and this is not meant to insult) based on your past posts Wombat, your ideal relationship seems to be having a woman servant live in concubine, so I imagine her asking you for help probably pisses you off more than most men. Pretty much every woman I have ever dated has done some variation of what Brother Wu described. File it under Bitches be Crazy and Men be stupid.
The way I cracked it was to wait until she was at Disneyland by herself or home from work watching whatever bullshit food network program was on and chain texted her asking about household shit. She blew up at me over it and I basically said "Well, this is what you do on my day off or when I am out with my friends, and it was ok then?" After two days of her being pissed and processing it the message got through and now it only happens very rarely when one of us is stressed about something else.
Of course (and this is not meant to insult) based on your past posts Wombat, your ideal relationship seems to be having a woman servant live in concubine, so I imagine her asking you for help probably pisses you off more than most men. Pretty much every woman I have ever dated has done some variation of what Brother Wu described. File it under Bitches be Crazy and Men be stupid.
Noodleface
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True enough bro, true enough.
This weekend was rough.
My wife gave me a long "to-do" list that essentially consumed much of my Saturday (my prime video game playing day). It was mostly bullshit stuff, but it took forever. She then wanted to work out, which of course she cannot do on her own, while all I wanted to do was sit down for awhile - I even mowed the lawn, not on my list! She ran me ragged and I ended up sleeping in on Sunday until 1PM. No one even came to wake me up, and of course I got bitched at for that. Then she made me go to the store where she spent $300 on some bullshit. Another $50 at Target for additional bullshit Walmart didn't sell. To top it off, we paid $1900 towards the mortgage and $3100 for our new fence plus $500 for the two cars and some other bullshit I'm forgetting.
This was after her spending over $2000 in the last couple of weeks on new furniture and other household items. She's also recently spent $200 on books (FICTION). I'm not innocent, I told her I was going to spend $4 to buy the Witcher 2 on steam and she was a little mad about not being in the budget.
I told her today we're a little lower financially than I'm comfortable with and she bitched at me about spending too much and I need to cut down.
Women are fucking insane and I've never wanted to punch a woman so hard in my life.
We'll get over it, but I just can't understand what's going through her head sometimes.
Had to vent.
Noodleface
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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Trakanon Raider
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I was going to say the same thing. My ex did this all the time. I would be reading, or screwing around online while she watched a tv show, when that ended, she would get up and be motivated to "get stuff done". Would constantly ask me to help, so I would, and then I would go back to what I was doing. After enough times of this I would go "Ok, is there anything else? I would really like a solid hour of time to relax" or something, and then we would have a talk about how there is lots of stuff that needs doing, and instead of me being bothered that she was asking me for help, I should take the initiative to start on one of those things. She wouldn't bother me if I was working.
It was never that big of an issue or anything, neither of us ever got upset, just her mentality that if she was working, I should be working.
Noodleface
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My wife is so guilty of this shit.
The worst is it'll be like midnight and all of a sudden she gets upset that there's a mess on the desk and spends hours cleaning the room. Of course I need to help because she magically decided to clean today.
Frenzied Wombat
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Ha, I'll have to use that concubine line on her sometime.. I wish that was really the case, I order in dinner five days a week and our maid spends half the day just doing her laundry. Given the choice though I would love some hot Asian gf that new how to cook, didn't bust my balls every 5 minutes, and wouldn't coo over how big a rock her friend Sally got from her fianc? *hint* *hint*.
I guess what drives me nuts about the "help me" thing is that when you WANT to help them, they get all defensive and are suddenly out to prove what an independent person they are. But when they honestly don't *need* your help, suddenly they're asking non-stop.
Case in point my GF had to buy a new car. I offered to help, but she gave me the "I'm a grown up and can handle it". Ok. I at least have her commit to calling me before making any deal at the dealership. She calls me later and says she's got a deal on a Jetta lease, $500 off MSRP for a new car. I think that's nothing special, but not worth the drama of telling her to haggle more. I ask her to fax me the quote, and it has a 5 year extended warranty tacked on, despite it being a 3 year lease. So I tell her to get that BS removed asap. The next call I get is an excited one saying she bought the car and to meet her out front when she pulls up. As soon as she steps out of the car, I look at the odometer and it has 4000 miles on it. I get pissed off, saying I knew I should have gone with her. Meanwhile I get shit because "I should be supportive" instead of getting pissed off. Le Sigh. Thanfully they for whatever reason hadn't yet gotten her signature so we were able to return it the next day and buy from someplace else that wasn't trying to commit fraud.
Noodleface
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That was always the biggest issue we had. She spent all the money, I barely spent any, yet it was a massive issue when I wanted to buy something bigger. I wanted to do separate bank accounts, she was super against this, since we are a couple and yada yada. I finally lucked out about 3 years ago on the issue though.
Her sister got married, and her sister was in tears because her new husband kept spending all the money and she had come home to no electricity due to it. My wife suggested to her that they set up separate bank accounts, a main savings/bills account, and then 2 separate debit accounts for spending money, one in each of their names. I turned and hopped on how thats exactly what I've been saying for 8 years that she has been so against. My wife realized, got embarrassed, and said fine.
At the time, my wife was making roughly $2200 a month, and I was making $3300. I told her we would split all the monthly bills based on income, %50 of each. So I put in $1650, and she put in $1100, per month. That paid all our bills and then some. That each of us with those same amounts as "personal money". The only other thing you had to use your money on was gas- about $70 a month for her, and $400 for me. The only savings we had was whatever couple hundred might be left over from our bills, so not much.
So, in the end I had a "my money" budget of $1250 a month, and she had $1030.
What happened?
Every single month she ran out of money. And not that she didn't occasionally spend money on things for all of us, but by and large, and family dinners, movies, trips etc. were all bought and paid for by me.
My goal was to set aside $1,000 a month for savings. I was not putting this in the bank, I was putting it in a fireproof safe my wife didn't know about, because I knew if she ran out of money and my account said $3000 she was going to be livid. I told her I was keeping a stash of money not in the bank for emergencies, but I never told her how much or where it was. To be honest, I was also getting more and more concerned that sooner or later we were going to be divorced, and I didn't want to lose all of my personal savings on that day either.
In 16 months, I saved up $18,000. My wife's balance hovered around $60 most of the time.
Again, she had no debts or anything, no credit cards to pay off, nothing like that. This was all on stuff that had nothing to show for it. Starbucks, lunches with her coworkers, clothes, and fee's for doing races and obstacle courses.
The entire time we were married before this splitting of bank accounts, AT MOST we had $1400 in the bank, but typically it hovered between $200 and $400.
It's just fucking insane to me. That is all.
My wife does this all the time. One example was the my mother was over to watch the kiddo while we do a date night. My wife goes to change our daughter before we leave and I get a shout, "Can you come help me change her diaper?" along with some crying from the kid. So I go in and the kid is being fussy and trying to roll around. So I go and tell my wife to move out of the way and I'll do it. I get yelled at and she tells me "I can do it".
Hmm
Then I say, stupidly, "Then why did you call me in here?" The answer is, I just wanted you in here so you can keep my company.
What the fuck?
Women are nuts. Later on she told me she was angry with me because she assume I thought she was incompetent because she asked for help.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Not to get into your personal bullshit, but between this and the other stuff you have been relating lately, I think you might really have a serious problem on your hands. Are any of her sisters or mother like this?
Frenzied Wombat
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Yeah, not sharing the same financial philosophies is a huge problem. I had a GF that used to needlessly rack up overdraft charges, ATM fees, and tolltag fines because she was just financially lazy and disorganized. It drove me nuts because I'm the exact opposite. I simply couldn't see myself married to someone that handled finances like this, which is too bad because she was otherwise a good catch. One of the reasons I've never been married I guess.
Springbok
Karen
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Find a girl from a foreign country who didn't grow up an entitled princess. I don't even take out the trash anymore - I just pay for everything and she cooks, cleans, and keeps her body in check. The problem with marriage is the settling down with one person forever. One. It's a strange thing to only fuck one person forever.
My house had a run of stomach flu last week. I had it 4 days before her, so on her day #2 she was in bed sleeping/resting all day and I took off of work. I took care of the kid all day. So my wife somehow got up and started yelling at me how the house was a mess and started vacuuming. This is her in the middle of being sick. Then yelled at me for not helping because I was sitting around doing "nothing" all day.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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My wife pulls the "come talk to me while I <do some random household activity>". Then I walk in there and sit down and stare at her. She'll be working along and not saying anything, and I go "so what do you want to talk about?" And she'll be like "I don't know, just talk to me." So I go "so in actuality, you just wanted me in here to entertain you?"
Next time I'm going to do some work around the house or run an errand, I'm going to ask her to go with me to keep me company. Wonder how that will go?
