Marriage and the Power of Divorce

BrotherWu · Feb 5, 2015

A couple of years ago, the wife and I were on a family trip and I tried to get her to come into the hotel room bathroom for a little sumpin sumpin while kids were watching TV and she declined initially. She was busy doing something.

I said screw it, rubbed one out in the shower and just as I was getting out, she walked in and locked the door. Full release hummer about 4 minutes after rubbing one out. I'm not J49 but sometimes you're just in the mood for one, you know?

Soygen · Feb 5, 2015

Deathwing_sl said:
Also, there's the whole problem of cleanup.

That's what her mouth is for.

There's gotta' be a lot of hands involved to get me to cum during a BJ. It's a rare occurrence.

Tenks · Feb 5, 2015

I can't remember if I've told this story but in college I dated this 18 year old girl who just graduated HS. She was completely and utterly sexually inexperienced. This was off the heels of the crazy lady who lived up to the reputation of crazy in head/crazy in bed. Well she said she was good at head because she said her and her girlfriends would practice their gag reflex on bananas. So I was like alright give it a shot. She literally just put my dick down her throat and didn't move for like 20 seconds. I eventually had to tell her to stop and told her it felt great because I didn't want this thing going south on me for getting in her. But it was really fucking awkward. We were just sitting on the couch with my dick lodged in her throat.

Soygen · Feb 5, 2015

Keep telling stories like that and I'm going to have to rub one out at work.

Tenks · Feb 5, 2015

Yeah it was real hot. And like I said the girl beforehand could deep throat and knew how to use it. Like put it down there and move her throat muscles and shit. I don't know the exact implementation details of deep throating a cock but she did and it was great. This was more hilarious.

Deathwing · Feb 5, 2015

Arch_sl said:
::EDIT:: @DW if they aren't going to swallow not worth it imo, that's the best part.

Soygen_sl said:
That's what her mouth is for.

Yeah, but swallowing cum is kinda nasty, and not the good kind of nasty. Yes, I won't think twice about making out with my wife after sucking my dick or giving me a rimjob, but after just swallowing, no thanks. No, I can't explain that cognitive dissonance.

Itlan · Feb 5, 2015

Glad you added that last bit.

I've dealt with people like Tenks is talking about. Unlike him, I try to help them and walk them through it.

I once met a girl who tightened her tongue and just like jammed it into mine/my mouth. I was like bitch, you need to relax. Loosen your fucking tongue, and stop trying to make mine bleed.

She was embarrassed but whatever, she got the hang of it in like 30 seconds after I told her to chill the fuck out. I saved other dudes the misery of that shit. I'm a god damn hero.

TomServo · Feb 5, 2015

Itlan_sl said:
Glad you added that last bit.

I've dealt with people like Tenks is talking about. Unlike him, I try to help them and walk them through it.

I once met a girl who tightened her tongue and just like jammed it into mine/my mouth. I was like bitch, you need to relax. Loosen your fucking tongue, and stop trying to make mine bleed.

She was embarrassed but whatever, she got the hang of it in like 30 seconds after I told her to chill the fuck out. I saved other dudes the misery of that shit. I'm a god damn hero.

something like this?

Khane · Feb 5, 2015

"There's the problem of cleanup"... That is so far out of the realm of reality for me I can't even begin to explain it. What is the ratio of women you've been with that didn't swallow? I've been with one... ONE woman who didn't swallow. And it was so much later in life that I was actually dumbfounded at what was happening. I literally said "What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?" when she pulled it out of her mouth after I told her I was going to cum.

I have no issues finishing during fellatio in most situations. Interestingly enough if it's with a woman I haven't slept with yet and really want to penetrate her I won't be able to finish, but at all other times, no problem at all.

Tenks · Feb 5, 2015

Ah cool we're busting out anecdotal proofs.

I've only been with one girl who DID swallow. Gosh this is fun. What more broad strokes do we want to paint based upon our personal experiences?

Soygen · Feb 5, 2015

To be fair, it sounded like the problem was Deathwing and not his woman.Hedidn't want to come in her mouth and kiss her after.

Noodleface · Feb 5, 2015

But he will kiss her after a rimjob.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm..

Frenzied Wombat · Feb 5, 2015

I don't think I've had a girl spit my load out since high school, so I'm really not sure where you all find these squeamish chicks. From my experience, if they like to blow you, they like to swallow. Best BJ experiences believe it or not was with some ex-Mormon chick. She not only loved sucking cock and would do her best to guzzle every last drop, but would get a warm rag to wipe me down, make me tea, and fucking THANK me afterwards lol. Ex-religious chicks are the bomb imho-- they've dispensed with all the sky fairy bullshit, but inevitably all the childhood domestic training still sticks even if they don't consciously realize it.

Haast · Feb 5, 2015

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
Best BJ experiences believe it or not was with some ex-Mormon chick. She not only loved sucking cock and would do her best to guzzle every last drop, but would get a warm rag to wipe me down, make me tea, and fucking THANK me afterwards lol.

Why the fuck did you get rid of that one?!

Itlan · Feb 5, 2015

FW, jesus christ dude.

And the only girl who swallowed was my ex of 5 years. The others would run to the bathroom and spit it out.

Deathwing · Feb 5, 2015

Soygen_sl said:
To be fair, it sounded like the problem was Deathwing and not his woman.Hedidn't want to come in her mouth and kiss her after.

Noodlemod_sl said:
But he will kiss her after a rimjob.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm..

Remember, I said it made no logical sense. Little bit of dirty anal or rimming? Urine? Sweat? Just fine with me. Tasting my own cum AFTER I've finished just skeeves me out. All those hormones that said dirty anal was great are quickly leaving my system.

There might be some contextual problems too. The people mentioning that swallowing is ok aren't giving examples of how sex continued afterward. I'm not a big fan of one sided sex, so the concept of receiving a blowjob without reciprocation not something I like.

Frenzied Wombat · Feb 5, 2015

Haast_sl said:
Why the fuck did you get rid of that one?!

In hindsight I was pretty dumb. She was just a hopeless optimist, annoyingly super positive about everything, and never swore. Think of all those Mormon stereotypes and that was her, minus the actual religious beliefs. Now that I've gone through a countless amount of crazy entitled Dallas chicks, I realize just how dumb I was, as there are far worse things than an annoyingly positive person that sees everything through pink shaded sunglasses, especially if everything else is great.

Khane · Feb 5, 2015

Tenks_sl said:
Ah cool we're busting out anecdotal proofs.

I've only been with one girl who DID swallow. Gosh this is fun. What more broad strokes do we want to paint based upon our personal experiences?

What are you talking about? I said "for me" and asked him a question.

Big Phoenix · Feb 5, 2015

Deathwing_sl said:
Remember, I said it made no logical sense. Little bit of dirty anal or rimming? Urine? Sweat? Just fine with me. Tasting my own cum AFTER I've finished just skeeves me out. All those hormones that said dirty anal was great are quickly leaving my system.

There might be some contextual problems too. The people mentioning that swallowing is ok aren't giving examples of how sex continued afterward. I'm not a big fan of one sided sex, so the concept of receiving a blowjob without reciprocation not something I like.

Dont think you should be tasting any if shes doing it right?

Soygen · Feb 5, 2015

Big Phoenix_sl said:
Dont think you should be tasting any if shes doing it right?

Indeed. If you're snowballing your load out of her mouth, that's not swallowing.

Who was the dude who liked to eat his loads out of his girl's snatch?

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