Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Sloshed

Sloshed

Lord Nagafen Raider
57
2
There is 1 clean room in the house and that is my computer room with the attached bathroom and for some reason everyone wants to use my bathroom since it's the only one that ever gets cleaned. I guess my point in this thread was just a warning to some of you younger guys to nix that messiness crap now before it gets worse. But it is actually my fault for marrying the girl because when we were dating and I went to her house this is how her and her mother lived then. Her parents were divorced so she lived and supported her deadbeat mother and clothes were piled on top of anything flat. Nothing organized in chest and drawers or hanging in a closet. Shit just piled everywhere. I thought I could change her and I couldn't. I was able to somewhat keep it under control until our last child 8 years ago and it has been trending downhill ever since. I was raised upper middle class and we kept a clean house. I go home for the holidays now and things are clean and tidy and it just causes more resentment when I get back home. I'm in a pretty dark place these days and depressed and I've got to break out of it. I stay drunk at least 5 days out of the week now and that's just not healthy. That's why I've decided to get out. The only thing holding me back is maintaining the quality of life my kids have been used to. For example both my boys play travel baseball and if any of you have kids that do, you know how damn expensive that is and I don't want them to resent me for not maintaining the status quo.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,747
14,524
Sloshed_sl said:
There is 1 clean room in the house and that is my computer room with the attached bathroom and for some reason everyone wants to use my bathroom since it's the only one that ever gets cleaned. I guess my point in this thread was just a warning to some of you younger guys to nix that messiness crap now before it gets worse. But it is actually my fault for marrying the girl because when we were dating and I went to her house this is how her and her mother lived then. Her parents were divorced so she lived and supported her deadbeat mother and clothes were piled on top of anything flat. Nothing organized in chest and drawers or hanging in a closet. Shit just piled everywhere. I thought I could change her and I couldn't. I was able to somewhat keep it under control until our last child 8 years ago and it has been trending downhill ever since. I was raised upper middle class and we kept a clean house. I go home for the holidays now and things are clean and tidy and it just causes more resentment when I get back home. I'm in a pretty dark place these days and depressed and I've got to break out of it. I stay drunk at least 5 days out of the week now and that's just not healthy. That's why I've decided to get out. The only thing holding me back is maintaining the quality of life my kids have been used to. For example both my boys play travel baseball and if any of you have kids that do, you know how damn expensive that is and I don't want them to resent me for not maintaining the status quo.
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I played travel baseball year round until I was 14. Including international tournaments. I have no idea how my parents afforded it honestly. By the way, playing back to back doubleheaders on saturdays and sundays was NOT fun. Even though I loved playing baseball that shit was just too much but I never said anything because I thought it would disappoint my mom. Maybe your kids aren't all that attached to that lifestyle.
 
Haast

Haast

Lord Nagafen Raider
3,281
1,636
Cad_sl said:
How do you guys let yourselves get into these situations? A lot of them are so far gone that you probably don't have much hope of coming back. Sounds kind of redpill-ish but jesus christ, stand up for yourselves, quit being pussies.
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It's usually more complex than "lol pussy, tell that bitch to clean up" or whatever. It probably started with a small mess here & there and after the limit was pushed gradually for 2 decades, it's now a fucking Hoarders episode with a sycophant relative amplifying it.

Still, truth. People only respect boundaries if you set them and stand by them. A maid ultimatum should have been given once the mess became constant and reasonable solutions failed.
 
Alex

Alex

Still a Music Elitist
14,756
7,596
My parents' place was almost always a total wreck growing up and I hated it. Embarrassed to invite friends over. Just a disaster. My place isn't spotless but it's never messy. I couldn't live like that ever again. My parents are divorced now and my dad has only gotten worse. Except all the junk is worth a shitload of money because it's all old sports/music memorabilia.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,747
14,524
I take it to the opposite end of the spectrum. "This is how you live your life huh? Nice knowin' ya. Maybe I'll see you in hell"
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
14,730
31,804
Sloshed_sl said:
There is 1 clean room in the house and that is my computer room with the attached bathroom and for some reason everyone wants to use my bathroom since it's the only one that ever gets cleaned. I guess my point in this thread was just a warning to some of you younger guys to nix that messiness crap now before it gets worse. But it is actually my fault for marrying the girl because when we were dating and I went to her house this is how her and her mother lived then. Her parents were divorced so she lived and supported her deadbeat mother and clothes were piled on top of anything flat. Nothing organized in chest and drawers or hanging in a closet. Shit just piled everywhere. I thought I could change her and I couldn't. I was able to somewhat keep it under control until our last child 8 years ago and it has been trending downhill ever since. I was raised upper middle class and we kept a clean house. I go home for the holidays now and things are clean and tidy and it just causes more resentment when I get back home. I'm in a pretty dark place these days and depressed and I've got to break out of it. I stay drunk at least 5 days out of the week now and that's just not healthy. That's why I've decided to get out. The only thing holding me back is maintaining the quality of life my kids have been used to. For example both my boys play travel baseball and if any of you have kids that do, you know how damn expensive that is and I don't want them to resent me for not maintaining the status quo.
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Well, with a practically unlivable shithole like that you probably have a strong case for custody of the children. But besides the slothbeast hoarder habits of your wife, are there any other issues? IMHO you need to ultimatum the wifey regarding a maid. I'm generally against ultimatums, but her refusal concerning a maid is just lunacy considering the state of your house.

The other alternative is to implement a Sharia compliant household and lay down the law. Beat your wife when she doesn't clean, burqa her sister while chaining her to the radiator and put her to work manufacturing fireworks by hand.
 
DickTrickle

DickTrickle

Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
13,681
16,017
Noodlemod_sl said:
I don't know if she has postpartum depression, she does work 3 nights a week with some human contact. I also encourage her to meet up with friends - she has a book club once a month, sees a couple friends during the month, loves to go to her parents house. Unfortunately, I dislike all of her friends and most of her family yet she drags me and the kid along - i'd actually prefer she went out by herself so she wasn't always caring for the baby.

One of her friends is pretty fit with great titties so I can't help myself from staring, so I get a little uncomfortable.
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She works three nights a week? How long? If she is taking care of the kid and also working, it doesn't seem like she should be responsible for all of the household duties.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,659
Cad_sl said:
I mean, I'd go ahead and let her be insulted and hire the maid. Whats she going to do, divorce you over it? You're already contemplating that. At least try to fix it first.
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+1

That picture is actually a problem. That's past "untidy" and past "messy" and it's starting to wander into something sinister. Hire the maid, tell her that if she decides to get her head unfucked then you'll be happy to give the maid a pink slip.
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
26,292
53,642
You guys watch too much TV. Maids are almost always some 50+ fat mexican woman.

I guess I do live in TX, but still...
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,502
16,474
DickTrickle_sl said:
She works three nights a week? How long? If she is taking care of the kid and also working, it doesn't seem like she should be responsible for all of the household duties.
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She works a part time job 9 or 10 hours a week.

I never once said she should be responsible for all the household duties, everyone else did - I do plenty (all) of the cleaning and cooking. I also take care of the yard, take care of our vehicles, take care of the bills, take care of the dog's vet stuff, fix things around the house.

The issue I have is she creates messes but doesn't deal with them - such as dishes, clothes, bottles, diaper genie, trash, etc.
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
26,292
53,642
Noodlemod_sl said:
She works a part time job 9 or 10 hours a week.

I never once said she should be responsible for all the household duties, everyone else did - I do plenty (all) of the cleaning and cooking. I also take care of the yard, take care of our vehicles, take care of the bills, take care of the dog's vet stuff, fix things around the house.

The issue I have is she creates messes but doesn't deal with them - such as dishes, clothes, bottles, diaper genie, trash, etc.
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Not to be harsh but you need to tell her to man up on the household stuff or she needs to go back to work. Don't be a dick but be firm about it.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
20,747
14,524
3 out of the 4 that I hired were definitely not bangable. One was. She also happened to be the worst of the 4, and that's saying something since they were all terrible.
 
Haast

Haast

Lord Nagafen Raider
3,281
1,636
Noodlemod_sl said:
She works a part time job 9 or 10 hours a week.

I never once said she should be responsible for all the household duties, everyone else did - I do plenty (all) of the cleaning and cooking. I also take care of the yard, take care of our vehicles, take care of the bills, take care of the dog's vet stuff, fix things around the house.

The issue I have is she creates messes but doesn't deal with them - such as dishes, clothes, bottles, diaper genie, trash, etc.
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Heh, you should know better than to listen to a DT post. Concern trolling at its lamest.

Also, if your description is accurate, you are slowly becoming your father-in-law. Don't be that guy. Set some limits and be firm.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,502
16,474
Cad_sl said:
Not to be harsh but you need to tell her to man up on the household stuff or she needs to go back to work. Don't be a dick but be firm about it.
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She doesn't have enough earning potential to make this worth it.

She has a degree in english.

Childcare around here is $1700-2000/month, on the cheap-murdertown-rapetown-area side. She'll never make anything to even make that worth it to me, I'd rather she raise the kid.

I'm working on laying some ground rules to her.

Anyways it all seems to foolish now that I've seen his house.
 
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