Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Wow. I don't really know how to respond to some of this stuff, but I will try.

I've been an alcoholic for 7 or 8 years. I've never been the type to buy my buddies drinks at the bar unless it's their birthday, and then they get a name day beer. Now I do like going to the bar, but I do most of my drinking at the house. I'm being honest, so I will say that a good amount of money is spent at the bar on beer and my wife is usually with me. However, I was spending more just by drinking at home. My wife even bought me a kegerator for the house last year and I ended up selling it.

As for being a pussy or wanting the red carpet rolled out for me, whatever. I'm not going to belittle my wife in front of a fucking shrink who probably has bigger problems than us. I didn't come here looking for sympathy, but somehow that's how most of my post was perceived. I just wanted some advice or encouragement.

As for the last comment about my mom kissing my kid on the forehead or cheek. Yea, my wife made a big deal about it like we had talked about not letting people kiss them and stuff right after she was born. I have no recollection of this conversation, hell maybe I drunk when we had it. But I think it was more of a 'it's cool' no strangers will be kissing our baby kind of thing for me. Long story short, right before my mom and dad were going to leave my wife goes out of her way to start shit up with my mom. No one can win an argument with my wife. No one. My mom didn't know this and it ended up making my dad who had cancer at the time blow up too. My parents and her and her mom sitting there arguing about something so stupid. Hollering. I'm just there trying to tell my parents to stop and go outside and go ahead and leave. It fucking sucked. I've really never that mad at something in my entire life.

Alcoholic for 7-8 years, getting fucked up and being a worthless human being at home even when his wife is pregnant and for the first 7 months of his newborn's life.

Kind of insane wife who doesn't want people kissing her baby and blows up because she's got an alcoholic husband who can't even remember conversations they've had.

Who's the bigger piece of shit in this story? Who deserves to be mad and want to leave that situation? Who deserves any sympathy at all?

You as an alcoholic likely don't realize the recklessly irresponsible behavior you were taking part in just by being drunk with a pregnant wife and then with a newborn. What the fuck good are you to them when you're drunk all the time?

It's only been 2 months. So what it sounds like to me is classic alcoholic tendencies where you victimize yourself. You've been sober for 2 months and already can't handle it so you're looking for an excuse to leave and be able to drink again without anyone giving you shit about it. But you need an excuse so people don't call you a shithead alcoholic and abandon you completely for abandoning your own family. I don't know you at all but because you're a recovering alcoholic and because of how you told your sob story, that's what I think is going on here.

The mom calling thing is hilarious because my wife also talks about how my mom is constantly calling me and she's always so concerned about our business but my wife calls her mom every day on her drive home from work and I talk to my mom on the phone maybe once every other week. Granted we do see my parents far more often than we see her parents.

CalhoonJugganaut_sl said:

I'm not going to belittle my wife in front of a fucking shrink who probably has bigger problems than us.

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Ok, maybe you're not a coward, maybe you're just stupid. FOR THE DURATION OF YOUR SESSION YOUR SHRINK HAS NO BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN YOU! Jesus Christ what the fuck is the point of even going to marriage counseling if you aren't telling the truth during the sessions?

I realize I'm being an asshole, but the magnitude of your drinking problem means every single thing you say about your wife has to be taken with a grain of salt. I understand how difficult it is to deal with alcoholism and it's good that you've started down the road to dealing with it, but 2 months of sobriety after years of alcohol abuse means you've barely even set your feet on that road. That being said, your wife has an equal responsibility to the marriage, which is why it's important that you actually take part in the counseling sessions. Even taking what you've said with a grain of salt, your wife does sound like a cunt and you being a fuckup doesn't excuse that.

Alcoholism isn't a big problem man. You hadn't heard? Much bigger problems out there.

My marriage counseling suggestion wasn't so you guys could see some shrink or whatever and belittle your wife, it was so you could talk to someone and save your marriage. I can almost guarantee it wont be as one-sided as you think.

I used to know a dude that drank a 6 pack of beer on the car ride home and then a 12 pack every night after work. I don't even know if he spent that much

And just as a matter of fact about my current situation, I have a terrible relationship with my mother and barely ever even see her (case in point: I am not in her will). I would really urge you to do something about it for your kid's sake at least (and your wife needs to step up too).

I've just been on the receiving end of some shitty addiction issues with my mother and had enough of it. She already died long ago to me

I think you owe your wife and child at least a years sobriety before you have a solid perspective with a clear head, your wife also will need this time.

Hiring a shrink to fix your problems then not telling them what the problems is pretty stupid. Would you hire a contractor to fix your house and not tell him what the problem was? Might as well just burn you money.

If you drank a 24 pack every single day of the month you're looking at $480-$520 per month, woah

I think the most prudent way would be a fifth of bourbon every night. But realistically he's blending in going out. A have a poor alcoholic cousin and he could spend 100 at hooters because he'd line up shots of Jaeger.

Well CJ, your wife sounds like a first class shrew from your description. However, I'm only hearing your side of the story and that side is coming from someone who admittedly made a lot of impactful mistakes in the marriage. A few thoughts for you, which will probably echo what others have already said:

- You HAVE to talk about the problems with the counselor. Otherwise, you are wasting $100+ per hour. If you already have money issues, that's insane. Either use the counselor to discuss & resolve problems or don't go. Use Oblio's advice to soften the blow if you are concerned about it.
- I hope you're being fair with the story, since we are only getting your side and she is painted as 100% evil. Reflect inward and be honest with yourself about how this situation developed. Nearly every domestic situation has notable contributions from both sides. All we've heard from you is "I drank a lot", not about how that drinking screwed her over or how other things you did were hurtful.
- Don't apologize for things that aren't your fault or you aren't sincere about. Or at least, minimize doing that. It sets a bad precedent.
- There's a massive chasm in your relationship. If you value it, it's time for frank conversation about how bad it is and planning how to make it less bad with the wife. It's probably going to get worse before it gets better. If you want to resolve it, be ready for a long road.

And one question: describe what kind of drinking you'd need to do to have an $800/mo booze tab that was mostly at home. I'm genuinely curious.

Not to take away from alcoholic dad but we all have our issues...

I recently found out my "fiance" is planning on parting ways, she's contacted family and friends to try to find housing for her and our 3 kids.

She's told me she is very unhappy in our relationship, being a stay at home mom was never her plan in life and that we are completely opposite people which I agree with. In all honesty we should have never been together let alone had 3 kids together but here we are regardless.

We have been staying at her mother's house since September, after my unsuccessful attempt at starting up a pressure washing business, since then I've been employed at amazon.

We've been given a deadline to get out of her mother's house come the end of June and here is where the problem is, I found out she wants to part ways after 7 years.

That absolutely terrifies me, the thoughts of child support and her having the only car leaves me not only stranded and unable to get to work but how I can afford my own place, buying a car in a little over a month.

Not to mention the anxiety of dating, who the fuck wants to get involved with a 29 year old dude with 3 kids, I have to question anyone who would want to get involved with that much baggage unless I was loaded, which unfortunately, I am not.

Bros, what am I to do? I honestly don't even want to save the relationship, she's a spoiled fucking brat that thinks only of herself and blows through money like a powerball winner with a coke problem, we will never have anything in our lives because she refuses to work and has d her family to save her from falling no matter what.

We should stop the pile on about drinking, clearly he recognizes it was fucked up and has taken the right steps to turn it around.

Rhuma_sl said:

Not to take away from alcoholic dad but we all have our issues...

I recently found out my "fiance" is planning on parting ways, she's contacted family and friends to try to find housing for her and our 3 kids.

She's told me she is very unhappy in our relationship, being a stay at home mom was never her plan in life and that we are completely opposite people which I agree with. In all honesty we should have never been together let alone had 3 kids together but here we are regardless.

We have been staying at her mother's house since September, after my unsuccessful attempt at starting up a pressure washing business, since then I've been employed at amazon.

We've been given a deadline to get out of her mother's house come the end of June and here is where the problem is, I found out she wants to part ways after 7 years.

That absolutely terrifies me, the thoughts of child support and her having the only car leaves me not only stranded and unable to get to work but how I can afford my own place, buying a car in a little over a month.

Not to mention the anxiety of dating, who the fuck wants to get involved with a 29 year old dude with 3 kids, I have to question anyone who would want to get involved with that much baggage unless I was loaded, which unfortunately, I am not.

Bros, what am I to do? I honestly don't even want to save the relationship, she's a spoiled fucking brat that thinks only of herself and blows through money like a powerball winner with a coke problem, we will never have anything in our lives because she refuses to work and has d her family to save her from falling no matter what.

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You know what you need to do, you spelled it out yourself. 29 is very young, bros have been in this position at 49 and have made it work. It's gonna suck but it is what it is.
If she is loaded why would she get your one car?

I would have been more terrified at the thought of living with my gf's mother...then getting out of a bad relationship.