Sex, Masturbation, and burnt holes in yo dick Thread

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Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
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I need full relaxation and lubrication for jerking off. Gotta' take my time(and I just don't enjoy my dry hand rubbing my cock).
 

Shonuff

Mr. Poopybutthole
5,538
791
The most times I had sex in a 24 hour period was three. Once in the afternoon, again that night, then in the morning when we woke up.

I was sore as HELLfor like a good two days after. Gotta cap that at two.
You should have told him to give you less power. Also, don't clench.
 

Shonuff

Mr. Poopybutthole
5,538
791
Before we leave the masturbation derail for the whore derail, am I correct in my belief that 100% of men, regardless of relationship status, at least occasionally jerk off to porn? Every once in a while it comes up with a woman that they think that their partner whacking it to porn means that they are somehow unsatisfied with their relationship or that it's like cheating.
Every man needs his Happy-Alone-Fun-Time (TM).

Also, if you don't want to be a two minute chump, you got to train for stamina. I beat it furiously as long as I can, while imagining I am Spartacus in the arena, fighting for my life. If I come in less than one hour of fap fap fap, then I just died in the arena. If you want to be with the same woman a long time, you must imagine that sex is nothing but fighting in the gladiator pit. Some do so to stay alive, I do so for glory.

This is the best marital advice I can give you, and I've been with the same woman for 17 years now. Slay that pussy, and let fortunes rise, as does your cock.

 

Picasso3

Silver Baronet of the Realm
11,333
5,322
I feel like buying my wife a lyrical fuck gift card for her birthday may be a great gift. I'm just not that interested.
 

Shonuff

Mr. Poopybutthole
5,538
791
Maybe this has been covered but I'm gunna ask again just to be sure.

1. Is that extra dickhole permanent or did it grow back together?
2. If permanent, does it affect your sex life? Like, how do chicks react?
3. How big of a hole? Are we talking split streams of cum / urine?
All healed.

Do you guys normally ask about other dudes penises this much? If you PM me your email, I can send you pics (for a nominal fee, of course).

It's not gay if you pay for it.
 

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
<Gold Donor>
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This thread has taken a real strange turn.

Also, you "no lube" dudes are fucking weird. Spit counts as lube, fyi. Are we talking totally dry? Bleh.
I tickle mine gently till the precum starts, then go to town. If I needed it spit on, I would probably call my wife in to do it for me. Actually that would be funny, I should do that one night.

Honey come here. I wanna jerk off, can you spit on it or lick it a couple times to get the precum started? Thanks you're a doll.
 

Cad

scientia potentia est
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rrr_img_130224.jpg
 

Larnix

Blackwing Lair Raider
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Um what to reply to...

I don't use lube for a quick jerk but if I have the evening alone I might jerk it a few times and I get out the lube..

My wife doesn't care about porn just doesn't want it to take over for sex. Hell, since we have had kids we have actually become very efficient at sex and if I take to long time she will make a playful comment about helping myself already.

I actually had a friend whose wife left him for awhile because of porn. They worked it out but still crazy. I also had another friend whose wife threw her beer on him at the bar because he said he didn't think looking at porn was cheating.
 

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
<Silver Donator>
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I see women on facebook posting articles about how porn is cheating and I just feel for their husbands but I had a girlfriend once that felt the same way. I'm telling you we need to get the word out that it means nothing and these women are just forcing their husbands to lie to them. I like the "don't ask don't tell" policy personally. You don't do it when she's around or leave any evidence for her to find (thanks incognito mode) and she doesn't worry about it but since I'm not in a relationship currently so this is all just hypothetical for me and I am free to beat my dick like a rented mule.
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,344
16,233
We follow don't ask don't tell. I don't tell my wife everytime I beat my dick, but she knows I do it. I explained in the beginning that while it's easy for a woman to go awhile without, men really have a build up growing constantly.
 

Fifey

Trakanon Raider
2,898
962
I couldn't imagine a relationship where I didn't still jerk off, ou all need to quit dating religious people or converts. My last girlfriend knew I would jerk off and didn't care as long as it didn't interrupt our sex, she would even tell me she'd rub one out on lunch break when she was feeling it.
 

Echuta

Golden Knight of the Realm
291
147
I have a friend who got mad at her husband (called me in tears) because she found out her husband was watching porn on his laptop while deployed to some god forsaken place in the middle east. "Of course he's going to jerk off and look at porn. He's in some fucking hell hole surrounded by fugly Army chicks." He'd probably shoot himself if he could beat it once in awhile. She still stayed mad at him for it until he promised he wouldnt look at porn anymore.

Made me grateful that I found a woman who enjoys watching porn with me and gets off watching me jerk it. The bad thing that we've discovered is that after 15 years together porn doesnt really do it for us anymore.
 

OneofOne

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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I have to imagine the only women who get pissy about porn are insecure in the relationship? Haven't experienced that myself, thank god. My gf likes to pull up porn - "I'm doing that to you after dinner, just so you know." Fuckin' A, yes ma'am!

I don't have precum, and I don't use lube to jerk it. Unless I use my fleshlight, in which case you kinda have to. Every man should own one, btw.
 

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
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Pretty sure I've told this here before, but I once told my wife she sucked dick like a porn star. She stopped and was like and how would YOU know that? I said, "Wait, are we pretending I don't watch porn now?"

She said, "No, I guess not" and went back to work.
 

Hoss

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Oh and lyrical, you're the one who brought up your dick with the extra hole. If it was weird it was because you brought it up, not because we wanted more info.
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
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My wife sucks dick like a Porn Star too, she's never seen a Porn ever though (prude and naive when we met)

I told her about it and she was really confused.

Natural talent Bros
 

Hoss

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All natural. I'm sure that's as true as the teens and milfs I watch actually being teens and milfs. She sucked a thousand dicks before she got to yours. You know that right?
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
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I don't know about thousands but I'm not foolish enough to believe my dick was the first in there
 

Hoss

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I said A thousand. You said multiple thousands. I think you know the truth and don't want to admit it. It's OK dude. This is a safe space. You don't have to admit to anything.