What tickles your pickle
- Thread starter Kreugen
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Bandwagon
Kolohe
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RobXIII
Urinal Cake Consumption King
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I should probably install an internet filter. My parents were down, offered my 6yo oatmeal and she told them 'No thanks, oatmeal is for prisoners' ...
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jeydax
Death and Taxes
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It's been 237 days since I last had alcohol. My son just turned 7 months and never stops smiling at me. And earlier my daughter grabbed my hand, walked me over to the couch asked me to sit down to watch a movie with her. Never would have thought watching Cars for the 700th time could be so enjoyable.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
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Sevens
Log Wizard
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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At work, there's one project manager in general that's kind of our heavy hitter. He brings in and delivers the biggest transportation projects, by far. Nice guy, but very tightly wound. We're working on a proposal for a big, well-known bridge that he's been referring to as "my dream project" for a few years. Last week he said "I've been waiting my whole career for a project like this".
Anyways, I'm writing the proposal draft that he has to send in in about 25 minutes so the scope of work can be reviewed by the port commissioners tomorrow morning. He doesn't have time to review it anymore before he has to go pick up his kids. Here's the email I sent him with the final draft.
Anyways, I'm writing the proposal draft that he has to send in in about 25 minutes so the scope of work can be reviewed by the port commissioners tomorrow morning. He doesn't have time to review it anymore before he has to go pick up his kids. Here's the email I sent him with the final draft.
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Siliconemelons
Naxxramas 1.0 Raider
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Because - regardless of what the world tells you - family is what life is for - have some more kids, stay sober.
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Been doing beginner old people yoga at a local studio 4x a week for the last 6 weeks or so. Pretty much every class is me and 6 ladies including an instructor, aged 45-65, doing old people shit working on my flexibility. We're all decked out in typical old people clothes, sweat pants and track suits and shit, you know, mall power walker attire.
However the studio is doing this Yoga Instructor 200 hour certification class so about twice a month one of my classes gets filled with an additional 20, 20-24 year old Hottie McHotasses wearing a sports bra and yoga pants who cram into the room so tightly that i am absolutely surrounded by ass as far as the eye can see.
Tonight the sexiest fucking woman I have ever seen in my 43 years on this earth decided to set up right next to me but slightly forward, so that we didn't bump into each other when doing yoga poses, but really so that I had the best view in the house.
Face-wise she's an 8, sort of mix between goth baddie and girl next door, but who am i kidding all of these girls are really only 6-8s in the face, its the fit ass bodies that make up the difference...... but her body? God damn. certified 20 out of 10. Talking pale skinned big tittied goth girl with the flexibility of one of those asian contortionists, I mean this bitch could probably fucking fold her self in half and eat her own pussy she was so fucking flexible.
I'm doing my best not to creep her the fuck out by staring but I mean, it's hard. I compliment her on her flexibility to strike up a conversation, mostly to make an excuse on why i'm stuck staring at her body and she smiles. I don't think she is bothered too much by my gaze because she puts in a little extra effort doing the most exaggerated movements which really, really accentuate her ass in ways that my dick is still hard from remembering.
And where we are in the room i'm literally the only audience for these motions so clearly she just liked the attention.
However the studio is doing this Yoga Instructor 200 hour certification class so about twice a month one of my classes gets filled with an additional 20, 20-24 year old Hottie McHotasses wearing a sports bra and yoga pants who cram into the room so tightly that i am absolutely surrounded by ass as far as the eye can see.
Tonight the sexiest fucking woman I have ever seen in my 43 years on this earth decided to set up right next to me but slightly forward, so that we didn't bump into each other when doing yoga poses, but really so that I had the best view in the house.
Face-wise she's an 8, sort of mix between goth baddie and girl next door, but who am i kidding all of these girls are really only 6-8s in the face, its the fit ass bodies that make up the difference...... but her body? God damn. certified 20 out of 10. Talking pale skinned big tittied goth girl with the flexibility of one of those asian contortionists, I mean this bitch could probably fucking fold her self in half and eat her own pussy she was so fucking flexible.
I'm doing my best not to creep her the fuck out by staring but I mean, it's hard. I compliment her on her flexibility to strike up a conversation, mostly to make an excuse on why i'm stuck staring at her body and she smiles. I don't think she is bothered too much by my gaze because she puts in a little extra effort doing the most exaggerated movements which really, really accentuate her ass in ways that my dick is still hard from remembering.
And where we are in the room i'm literally the only audience for these motions so clearly she just liked the attention.
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guys I might be losing my shit...I think have some sort of shutter island thing going on as I slowly descend into madness?
So I don't know her name so I'm just going to refer to her as Goth Yoga Girl or GYG, she showed up again tonight in my class....
Lemme back up. I first saw this girl in the beginning of October when the Yoga instructor class started and we were first swamped with 20+ hot 20 something ladies taking over my old lady class. I didn't notice her during the actual Yoga she wasn't anywhere near me, I just saw her for a split second on my way out after class was over. I mean we're talking half a second at best, and while her face is seared into my memory I doubt she could pick me out of a lineup even 10 minutes later. I think "wow she's beautiful" but then go about my day and the thought of her doesn't cross my mind again for nearly a month, until last night when we were set up next to each other during class and I spent an hour staring at her ass.
Now these girls do normal hot girl yoga with young fit instructors, usually its fast paced, there's elements of heat or weights added, etc. Those classes are typically during the day when men are working and trophy wives are free to work out, after shopping at target, you know? That's when all the young fit yoga classes are. Basically, I don't see these girls ever, maybe once in a blue moon they are leaving as i'm arriving for my old person class but i've never seen this particular girl at my studio besides this instructor course. And for the instructor course they are on some sort of rotation where they do classes at a variety of studios week to week so as not to overload one particular studio/class with all these students, so they have only been at my studio twice so far.
So there is no reason that I can figure that she decided to drop in to my beginner old lady class tonight. It doesn't give instructor credit and we're certainly not doing anything hardcore enough that would benefit her? She was late joining the class and unfortunately there were already people on either side of me so I don't know if she would of set up beside me again if she had the option? But like, why? I"m hardly the only middle aged man who gives her attention. And while i'd gladly put a baby in her and give her half my paycheck i'm sure there are plenty of other men who would do the same, so i'm just confused more than anything.
After class I was gonna talk to her again and get her name at least but she started talking to the instructor about essential oils and so i just bounced. Not that that would detract me, mind you. This girl could be a full fledged earth mother space cadet who runs an essential oil business out of her garage while hocking Brazilian power crystals and be a vegan who does crossfit and I would still put a baby in her. I mean good god.
Anyway I left before her and as i'm driving away I see her get into her car, little white older model hoopty, nbd. i'm driving home when like 5 minutes later I notice a little white car race along side me. I'm curious more than anything and I speed up just a bit to come along side to see if it's her and it is. and she's looking over at me, doing multiple double takes, like she's just as surprised as I am? Idk. I just kinda wave? and then She then speeds up, not like she's fleeing or anything but just enough for me to slow down a bit and allow some separation between our cars. i'm not following her or anything and eventually she makes a left where I make a right and we head our seperate ways.
Now clearly I left before her and I don't know where she fucking lives or anything, so if anything she is the one following me, right? but I can't shake the feeling that she was sketched out when she pulled ahead after seeing me?
So what fucking gives? Did she come to my class for a specific reason? maybe she wanted to give me a piece of her mind for staring at her ass all night the night before? and she was mad that I took off and didn't give her a chance? so she was following me home, but chickened out when I noticed her?? I mean I never got that impression at all, she knew I was staring and she was smiling at me while I was doing it, but it wasn't like a "hey dude ask for my number" smile, it was nothing more than filling up her validation meter, having a middle aged guy stare at her, she can't possibly be interested?
Is this girl even real, or am I losing my fucking mind?
So I don't know her name so I'm just going to refer to her as Goth Yoga Girl or GYG, she showed up again tonight in my class....
Lemme back up. I first saw this girl in the beginning of October when the Yoga instructor class started and we were first swamped with 20+ hot 20 something ladies taking over my old lady class. I didn't notice her during the actual Yoga she wasn't anywhere near me, I just saw her for a split second on my way out after class was over. I mean we're talking half a second at best, and while her face is seared into my memory I doubt she could pick me out of a lineup even 10 minutes later. I think "wow she's beautiful" but then go about my day and the thought of her doesn't cross my mind again for nearly a month, until last night when we were set up next to each other during class and I spent an hour staring at her ass.
Now these girls do normal hot girl yoga with young fit instructors, usually its fast paced, there's elements of heat or weights added, etc. Those classes are typically during the day when men are working and trophy wives are free to work out, after shopping at target, you know? That's when all the young fit yoga classes are. Basically, I don't see these girls ever, maybe once in a blue moon they are leaving as i'm arriving for my old person class but i've never seen this particular girl at my studio besides this instructor course. And for the instructor course they are on some sort of rotation where they do classes at a variety of studios week to week so as not to overload one particular studio/class with all these students, so they have only been at my studio twice so far.
So there is no reason that I can figure that she decided to drop in to my beginner old lady class tonight. It doesn't give instructor credit and we're certainly not doing anything hardcore enough that would benefit her? She was late joining the class and unfortunately there were already people on either side of me so I don't know if she would of set up beside me again if she had the option? But like, why? I"m hardly the only middle aged man who gives her attention. And while i'd gladly put a baby in her and give her half my paycheck i'm sure there are plenty of other men who would do the same, so i'm just confused more than anything.
After class I was gonna talk to her again and get her name at least but she started talking to the instructor about essential oils and so i just bounced. Not that that would detract me, mind you. This girl could be a full fledged earth mother space cadet who runs an essential oil business out of her garage while hocking Brazilian power crystals and be a vegan who does crossfit and I would still put a baby in her. I mean good god.
Anyway I left before her and as i'm driving away I see her get into her car, little white older model hoopty, nbd. i'm driving home when like 5 minutes later I notice a little white car race along side me. I'm curious more than anything and I speed up just a bit to come along side to see if it's her and it is. and she's looking over at me, doing multiple double takes, like she's just as surprised as I am? Idk. I just kinda wave? and then She then speeds up, not like she's fleeing or anything but just enough for me to slow down a bit and allow some separation between our cars. i'm not following her or anything and eventually she makes a left where I make a right and we head our seperate ways.
Now clearly I left before her and I don't know where she fucking lives or anything, so if anything she is the one following me, right? but I can't shake the feeling that she was sketched out when she pulled ahead after seeing me?
So what fucking gives? Did she come to my class for a specific reason? maybe she wanted to give me a piece of her mind for staring at her ass all night the night before? and she was mad that I took off and didn't give her a chance? so she was following me home, but chickened out when I noticed her?? I mean I never got that impression at all, she knew I was staring and she was smiling at me while I was doing it, but it wasn't like a "hey dude ask for my number" smile, it was nothing more than filling up her validation meter, having a middle aged guy stare at her, she can't possibly be interested?
Is this girl even real, or am I losing my fucking mind?
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Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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If she shows up in another one of your classes, you better get her number. Even if you're going crazy and she's a figment of your imagination, why waste all the work your brain put into it already?
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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My wife is a yoga instructor. For teaching credit to keep your certification you need to teach classes, teaching one person or putting a video up on youtube counts for that credit. During the training you need to take classes and all classes count for credit. Even if you do them on youtube. It behooves them as teachers to learn all levels of yoga. Since she's clearly interested in you, she probably has a plan to teach yoga at the old folks home or something. You should ask her about that when you chat her up tomorrow.
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Void
BAU BAU
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I had to google what a Hozier is. Still have no idea if this should be funny to me or not.
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Edaw
Parody
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Fucker
Log Wizard
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Since you are old, you can rule out her using you for organ harvesting. She'll bed you up then drop a brick on your head as you sleep so she can empty your house of its valuables while you drown in a puddle of your own brain cells.
Sevens
Log Wizard
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